Friday, June 10, 2016

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Wierd that I've never lost a fight as XERO. He's actually rarely challenged as an avatar. I (on the other hand) am attacked quite often, and i even lose fights. I think Shae is attacked more frequently and fiercely than XERO.

So there os a problem somewhere.

One thing I can say for sure is that I as a person and much more of a coward than XERO is as an avatar. I tend to keep my mouth shut when I often should be shouting against evil. I often do and say things that I shouldn't do when I'm in my street clothes, but if I were in uniform, you would never catch me saying or doing those very things. I think also as a person, I'm a lot less scary than XERO.

I've based my avatar on everything that I see in Christ and in God. Obviously it's not a comprehensive picture, but there's nothing about xero that you won't catch some where in scripture. It is also my interpretation of my walking in God's will. I believe that in that state, I am probably covered with a lot more/less grace than I am as a person, does giving it a higher state of responsibility and visibility, along with fewer mistakes.

I think that when someone shows up as a warrior, you expect him to behave as a warrior, and so you give him a Warrior's respect. On the other hand, familiarity breeds contempt. So I have to wonder if I need to change things around a bit.

In actuality, there's nothing different between me and xero. Because I am he. Xero is my avatar. Not the other way around. So why don't I show the same attitudes and behaviors as I do when I'm in uniform? Why do people tend to approach them differently and attack me more often? Why do I tend to fall more when I'm in that state?

I mean I don't think any differently just because I change my clothes and put in some contacts. I don't answer people with the same answers, or change the way I interact with them just because I'm performing that day. The only real difference I can see in my own personal behavior is that I feel more responsible and visible, the magnifying my own fear and cowardice. A man like me is terribly afraid of falling in public.

These are all questions that I don't know the answer to right now.  but I can feel it in my gut, that something needs to change, and something is definitely about to change whether I like it or not. I think that if I am to grow as a man and as a Christian, but I need to start showing love and I'm much more mature fashion. I am going to have to stop being so tolerant and Silent about evil and wickedness Kama even in my own life and even in those around me. I'm going to have to stop being such a coward just because I want you guys to like me, especially since I lived much of my life in solitude.

I don't think that having a lot of friends is going to change anything significant about my life. And to be quite honest, I think in the like me more because I am always willing to speak the truth, and see what needs to be said even when it's uncomfortable.  Usually the people who fight against me the most in that area proved that they were never good for me in the first place. and other times, some of the people that I end up disagreeing with become better friends in the end.

 maybe I just haven't been walking in God's will all this time.

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