Friday, October 30, 2009

So what's the deal here?

Really this whole thing is supposed to be an outlet for me to get my mind in sync with my reality.  I tend to think of things in an alternate sort of way.  A type of duality if you will.  It's this type of thinking that tends to have me at war with myself. 
  • XERO vs Shae
  • DJ vs Performer
  • Flesh vs Spirit
  • Adult vs Immaturity
  • Significance vs Actual Self-esteem Level
    While the last one is constantly fluxuating, the rest seem to be at a steady stride.  I want to get a staple in my culture before the best years of my life are over. I finally recognize my current status in life to be the most opportune time for making a future.  I spent far too much time drinking my mind away as a young adult, and my teen years were mostly spent in "self discovery".  This was for the most part due to the dreaded youth of my life which, thank God, is mostly blotted out due to a decade or more of mental trauma, and then further extracted by drugs in the late teen years, and black mold poisoning back in 2002-2003ish.

    After a lifetime of chasing love and action, getting married, running the brink of divorce, coming to grips with reality, patching up my marriage, finding GOD, and taking an actual identity as an adult, I find myself on the brink of divorce again with no real outfit for my emotions.  I've done it all, seen it all, bought the book and never read it.  But there's more to it than that, and somehow, I missed it.

This is the one place I believe I can be open with myself.  I can document my life as a "really special person" for future reading.  So this is The Life behind XERO, the man behind the legend if you will.


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